Woke up in a storm and I was drowning,
suffocating
on my lungs that couldn’t scream,
grasping for truth,
gripping
the lies I was fed.
The sweetness comes with a bitter pill,
The sweetness
never comes
until you spit in the face of the man who made it rain in the first place.
Woke up in the storm
but you were awake.
There is life the day after the storm.
EJZ 02.06.2015
It’s written on the walls
and the silence between calls,
The Pause before the phone rings.
That moment, suspended
between now and forever
where you can still turn back,
but should you?
You hold the key
but could you? Should you? Would you
dare to choose a future that looks nothing like your past
where each breath could be your last?
And time is ticking, fast
And not to choose is still to choose
to lose.
You’ll never win chasing your own feet.
Where now and never meet forever –
that’s where growth happens.
Is this happening again?
Have I been here?
When?
The space between seconds turns to hours turn to days
and it never seems to phase you when you turn your back on time
That’s fine –
Just wait and wonder
what could have been
if you hung up the phone before the cord wrapped around your neck,
choking tighter until you have to check the clock to see how long it’s been since you last tasted love upon your lips.
You scream and sob,
Oh vitriol!
But you have chosen this.
So just before that hand can strike for you to count again,
just remember that you chose to drown but you can choose to swim.
EJZ 2.14.2015
Where are we and where have we gone?
I remember dreaming but don’t know for how long
this can last.
If what’s passed is in the past,
if we only see today then we never have to ask
Are you satisfied
with this double-standard, misplaced blame?
This love is a tyranny and I am the slave.
I’m jaded.
Should I sleep to dream potentials, better days?
Or wake to see how much has come to fade?
EJZ 1.25.2012
It was April 20th
when I took you out on the balcony
into the sun
and you died,
looking up
And I took you back to your bed
and lay next to you, crying,
looking up
And I saw two lights,
one yellow, one blue
and I had to let go
and let you be together
And I checked my phone
And I don’t know how many people had wished me a
Happy 4-20
Happy 4-20
Happy 4-20
Yeah…
I’ll light up a candle instead
It was April 20th
when I came to see you again,
this time in New York
This time it was pouring rain
and I said,
“Did you do this on purpose?”
Fitting, you’re the kind of melodramatic woman who would want a rainstorm on a day like this.
Well, I thought,
I just have to get over the Whitestone Bridge
in my little rental Mazda
but not without hydroplaning on the Hutch.
And I started feeling lonely and afraid.
And I said, OK,
Alright,
Focus, just
sing, just
keep yourself company
And as I hit the high note
in the EZ Pass lane
I had to stop.
In front of me, you were there
in a Subaru Forrester –
Anyway, the license plate bore your initials
And I checked the calendar
and it was still April 20th.
And I thought,
Just stay behind this car and you’ll be safe.
I was on 678 –
the road split, but you knew where I was going so I followed
and I was safe.
And I made it all the way to College Point Boulevard
and you didn’t take the exit.
“Goodbye,” I said,
“I’ll see you soon,”
and you saluted me with your right-turn signal
and the wind.
Looking down,
I saw two stones
on which I placed two more
to hold down two poems,
one for each of you.
This time I didn’t cry.
And I had to let go
and let us be together.
EJZ 4.20.2015
Dedicated to ALZ
3.30.1952 – 4.20.2013
Caught between denial and confusion
Addictive comfort in delusion
An illusion
What is right is what is wrong with me.
Back to reality –
A life insurance policy
When I’m gone this is what’s left of me –
A dollar sign, a theft, a dream
in which we’d see, trust, love, believe
If we could wake up
from the lies we’re fed on silver spoons that splinter –
The taste is bitter on my lips
Kissed with an afterthought –
Ignorance is bliss.
EJZ 1.7.2015
I dreamt I was in a field of four leaf clovers
Emerald green
Soft enough to let them hold me
Rocking me in the sunlight
The freshest air my lungs had ever known
The scent of the newness of spring
and rebirth
Laughter
and sunshine
and no rain.
And then I remembered what you told me,
that your thirteenth birthday
was on Friday the 13th
and that made you the luckiest man alive
because luck
and life
are what you make them.
Dedicated to JLZ
04.13.1943 – 01.14.2010
Happy birthday in heaven.
EJZ 4.13.2015
when I have thoughts floating around in my head and
songs playing in my heart,
I write them down and
they turn into poetry or
philosophy;
often both.
I will utilize this blog
as a painter would a canvass:
A space to be filled
with the contents of my mind,
colored by my soul.
You may think this description artistic,
poetic,
aesthetic,
prophetic,
emetic,
point being,
I must add a disclaimer,
which is nothing but protection from
those of you who should turn back now;
It won’t sound like music
or fairies
or love
or scripture
or anything but fine print:
All works are copyrighted.
Eyes on, hands off.
