Seeing Red or “This is how I talk to myself in my head.”

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
They’re not going to breathe for you
they can’t,
they never have,
they never will –
and you shouldn’t expect it.

You need to breathe for yourself –
Didn’t they tell you that?
No –
you were “too stupid,
too weak,
too blind,
too bad, so sad.”

You have two lungs of your own
and even if you just had one
you’d find a way to use it
and at first you’d know the difference
but after awhile you’d forget

like you forgot you were
never too stupid,
never too weak,
never too blind –
Too bad, so sad.

What are you even saying?
Are you disillusioned?
Or have you never seen so clearly before that it’s clouding your vision?

Do you wish you were too stupid?
Do you wish you were too weak?
Too blind to hear a word you thought –
You knew!
You speak
like you know what you’re saying.

Do you?
Do you know?

Do you wake up from a dream and know you aren’t dead?

Do you wish you were?

Do you know what you’re saying?
No?
Fuck you!
Does it matter where you’ve been, what you say, what you do?

No?

What do you think?
What do you think?
What do you think?

EJZ 03.27.2015

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One thought on “Seeing Red or “This is how I talk to myself in my head.”

  1. Pingback: Untitled II | wordsoflyzzdom

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