Drunk Dreams

 

Star swarm
Relative anxiety
Pretending to pretend to
not care anymore
Instead we laugh, drink
and dine our nights
away in glitter splendor
and wine, half-drunk
is not really drunken
unless you can smell it on your pores

Discursive thought pattern
in a well of smoke
It tells you to shut up
and then it laughs at you for thinking
thoughts about yourself
and you think you’re surely crazy
so you think and drink some more.

Handle with care.
Do you see how you’ve fallen?
It’s in just such a way
that meditating on starlight is
not enough for our eyes tonight

Kiss me and make me feel the stars again.

Why can’t I get you out of my head
when you’ve gotten so out of my life
that I can’t remember if yesterday was a year ago or today
And every time I think of stars
I think of you and the wine
and you’ve ruined time for me

Where do you go when you’re dead but living?
What do ghosts smell like?
Apothic red and haunting moonlight
My drunk dreams are cheaper than you

I’d drink from your cup any day,
anytime, and never all at once.

What the fuck was I talking about when I accidentally told you I love you?
Accidentally on purpose I decided you were my tomorrow
and hung my wedding dress on the cobweb cabinet shelf of my mind
and you
Decided I was yesterday
and never, all at once
You’re always to me
Always, always

and I can smell you on my pores.

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#REF!

Zero
minus one is a radical idea
so radical that –
it’s imaginary
So that’s where I’ll begin
or end
or both
This mathematical mind scramble just threw me

Sensibility never made much sense to me
To say we were once
one would be a computational error
I can’t solve for X because I don’t know the alphabet
Why,
you know I don’t do division long-hand
well,
I don’t do division well at all.

Do you think
we were one or just two imaginaries
being added together?
i + i for an i + i
2i is still not real
and you can’t divide by zero

So is this a division problem
or addition
or subtraction
or metaphysics?

Where do I begin?
From a tiny wish?
A whisper of imagination sent to heaven?
Does God hear me?
Am I an echo of a prayer?
Am I
                Am I
                                Am I

beginning again where I left off?

Were we divided
or just whispering?

EJZ 12.30.2015

Serial Monogamy

Passionate love affair notoriety
Fall in love too fast,
too hard,
too long,
just the way I like it.

Inside crying ambiguity
I left for home,
stopped along and forgot
my destination
long passed,
my past.

Ask me about my scars.
No worries, I’ll be vague –
Too much weight to carry
so I’ll do it myself.

Verily, verily
we roll along –
Tout-suite –
clapping
drums never played

Spit out the hand that never fed you.
Truth be told,
No matter –
it was only yours
Truth be told,
who needed it anyway, yours?

Give freely
Love wholly
Fall quickly
Cry once.

EJZ 08.04.2015

No More Dreaming

My mind rehearses
each contour of your face,
rough
texture of your hair,
eyes,
lowered,
seducing with first glance

I tripped and fell
into you, chaos symbol –
Chasing infatuation
seemed like a bad idea at the time,
felt like a great time – what an idea!
so I did it.

It’s 5 AM.
My half-sleeping eyes remember to forget you
I won’t be seeing you again.
I won’t be falling
into your arms
Running, screaming passion, fire, love affair,
Chased infatuation,
I ran too quickly.
You ran away.

EJZ 09.02.2015

Past Tense

When crying keeps you up at night
and you can’t find your way home.

Sheets stained with nights you thought meant more,
like the words he spoke,
the flower he picked for you,
now dried out in your car –
You so carefully placed
each petal in a tiny birdcage,
hanging from the rearview;
You wanted to keep them
safe,
so delicate, fragile
inside the cage
like the one that holds your heart
(you wanted to keep it safe).

It used to make you smile
and now it makes your insides turn
faster than you used to
when you ran
from this very feeling,
heart more sour
than the stale taste of Italian pastry
left clinging to the ribbon ‘round your wrist
the one you chose to keep
there, it used to remind you
there was something
safe
for you in this world
and it was him
and it was just that,
was.

EJZ 08.28.2015