With gasping breath and unresponsive eyes
Is this what a person looks like when she’s sleeping paranoid?
Waiting for death,
did you think if you closed your eyes
you’d never see it?
Did you think you could hold on if you just stared it cold in the face?
Did you see me kneel beside you?
Did you hear me whisper regret,
swallow “I’m sorry”?
Or were they too shrouded in shame for you to know
I meant it
when I said I was supposed to save you?
Did your body feel me say I failed?
Weight of the world I believed in
crashing down under Arizona sunshine –
Your spirit warmed enough to leave me
Carrying cold and tiny body
I couldn’t even –
I didn’t – no –
know what to do now that you’re gone
Can I hold on if I stare it cold in the face?
You died with your eyes open.
I’ll just keep mine shut.
Wake me when it’s over –
I won’t have to feel a thing.
We, as humans, reach a threshold
where the pain is so much we can’t even remember
what it feels like to feel.
all we can do is let go
and keep our eyes open.