Conversations my brain has with itself when I convince myself I’m falling in love

How hard do I have to try to make you think I’m not crazy?
How many times do I have to spell your name before it sounds like my own?
How many keys in this trap door until one snaps?
How many strings strung broke on my guitar until this song about you is in tune?

Monday Monday Sunday Tuesday
When’s the next day of the rest of my life?

Key: C minor
accidental fourth step
below the night we met
in a church, that sanctuary
that day
where we meditated on the scent of indigo
and the sound of lavender ringing
hearts and telling cold
stories that end with goodbye
Good night, good night

Do you believe me, good God?
Have I convinced you?
I’m not crazy, just disturbed
My story ends,


and strikes a chord
and hollows out the insides of my brain
What do you think my thoughts taste like?

Oh, and do you know what they told me in art school?
It’s all about the negative space.

EJZ 02.18.2016

I am a love addict.

and that may sound romantic
but it’s a torturous hell
and my heart and my life
are an endless, bottomless cavern
that cannot be filled.
Never enough to be quenched, my thirst.

You know, you can’t hold water in your hands
but you try and you try
to form yourself in such a way
to become a vial, yourself
and you’re vile, yourself
but you can’t tell
because all your mirrors are broken
and you can’t see yourself
in the water you’re still trying to contain in your hands –
the ones that couldn’t grasp to begin with
because you think it’s your life force,
all that’s left on Earth
and you forget the fountain you strayed from
before you set out on your quest for that unattainable goal
which had you scrambling through mazes and missions and conquests, untenable
and you dropped your key from your back pocket
and it drowned in the water
which slipped through your hands
as you desperately tried to contain it
and friction won’t help
and frantic slits throats
and stupefies –
Losing your head
in the water,
slipping through hands
like time on the shore
and nobody told you
the power was not in the key,
in the water,
it was in you
but you had to let go to find out
and then you find out
there never was water,
just hope
and your hands couldn’t grasp what they never felt
so you’re left empty, forlorn

but there is a fountain

still water,
the key, floating
and yours
if you choose to look in
and grasp
and say –

I am a love addict
and that may sound romantic
but it’s a torturous hell.

EJZ 09.17.2015

Serial Monogamy

Passionate love affair notoriety
Fall in love too fast,
too hard,
too long,
just the way I like it.

Inside crying ambiguity
I left for home,
stopped along and forgot
my destination
long passed,
my past.

Ask me about my scars.
No worries, I’ll be vague –
Too much weight to carry
so I’ll do it myself.

Verily, verily
we roll along –
Tout-suite –
drums never played

Spit out the hand that never fed you.
Truth be told,
No matter –
it was only yours
Truth be told,
who needed it anyway, yours?

Give freely
Love wholly
Fall quickly
Cry once.

EJZ 08.04.2015

Haikus of 2015

Here are some haikus I wrote 2015 strung together into a multi-ku.

Love creates all things;
The tips of fingers, filling
the space between time.

Early June evening –
Summer heat graces my cheek
with beads of sweat

I’m trying to find
a reason to love you but
you just really suck.

Drunk people are not
patient, especially when
waiting for pastries.

Wine-bottle window –
Seems better than looking through
Rose-colored glasses

Justice is best served
with a glass of sangria
and ironic prose

I’m remembering.
How difficult it is, but
worth remembering.

I am in distress
but not your fucking damsel –
Princess saved herself

I’m tired of fighting.
I’m resigning my army.
Take the guilt with you.

The grass grows up to
meet my nose and fill it with
freshly watered scent

I’ve loved you before.
I will love you tomorrow.
I love you today.


Death is easy – before and after is difficult.



and you wish
you were still counting.

Even gasping breaths,
painful and strained,
are still signs of maybes –
of hope you know is running out;

But as long as you have one thread of an inhale to hold onto,
you don’t have to grip the air in your lungs
quite so tightly.

It’s when all you hear is silence
that you stop asking if he’s breathing
and worry whether your own life can be sustained
when this one was just taken up
and you wonder whether your heart can hold out

and when you realize it’s still beating,
you wonder – how?
when the force of love was removed from this Earth?
and eventually you think

maybe it wasn’t –
and one day you hear that love is the only force that can defy time and space
and move through all dimensions
and then you realize

the air wasn’t given up
but given over
and you’re still breathing
and just for today,
that is enough
to keep living.

I love you.

EJZ 01.14.2016

Remembering JLZ
04.13.1943 – 01.14.2010


Between Now and Waiting

My creative muse and dear friend, Laura Farrell, snapped this photo. She sent it to me and inspired this poem.


Between Now and Waiting
Speak softly now, for the city sleeps
and soon it will be sunrise
where first drop of morning dew collects
on sparse-laid grass across your feet
and sails across the riverbed
to remind of night-touched secrets whispered over bridge-path.

Believe in our silence
for it keeps their souls asleep.

The sky blushes at our blinking eyes
as life bustles through our veins;

Wakes to find us wondering,
longing for the hour of emerging,
that unbroken time between 3 AM and daybreak,
just before the first stroke of red paints blue,
where our rooftops can sing
and long arms intertwine
over smoky river sighs

Speak softly now, for the city sleeps –
I’ll leave my light on for you.

EJZ 07.16.2015

Love Poem for my Piano

I long to feel you under my fingertips.

Oh how long it’s been
since I stroked sweet music from your keys ,

your pearly whites
and ebonies
swirling together under my hands,
the feeling seething through my veins
and into you.

You echo back in harmony
and we dance this symphony together,

trading secrets surrounded by the scent of auburn timber.

A love affair of eighty-eight hammers and strings
and ten fingertips caressing
smooth figures and souls
to blend melody and rhythm with time.

Oh for even just ten minutes,
to feel you beneath me,
I wouldn’t mind
ever-lasting orgastic connection between a spirit meeting its being
in the rapture, the
music made
with its soulmate.

EJZ 04.22.2015

My Solace

It is comforting, my solace
to know that you exist
in this world, as you are
you are
breathing, thinking, being, living.

I can hold you in a memory just as I can hold your hand
and that gets me through.
I cannot see you but you are here, for in the back of my mind
I hold a picture of you.

To be conscious of another’s existence –
What a strange and riveting sensation.

That I am aware
of you
makes me more aware
that I am.

EJZ 03.17.2015

All We Need


It was a day that stopped time.
Frozen, but for feathers floating on the gentle breeze.
Calm, peaceful, warm
but winter.
Feather-dust droplets
quietly kissing the sky goodbye.
You could pick them out and count them –
Suspended in one moment –
You’d stop breathing just to see
and they would breathe for you,
whispering as they fell
like angels from heaven,
showering the earth with sparks of light,
“I am here for you.”
The expanse of time contained in a single moment
“This is all you need.”
Caressing the ground on which they land
and settling in –

I am here and I am yours and this is all we need.

EJZ 03.08.2015